I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize