you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
