dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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