He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
