So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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