I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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