Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize