Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
