The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
