Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize