Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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