I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
