i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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