I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
