the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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