It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
