no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
