Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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