There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
