What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
