sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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