its not stalking. its research.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
