There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
