just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
