I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
