the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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