I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
