I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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