Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
