if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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