I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
