He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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