Banned from zoo.
Again?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
