i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
God I need to hump something, right now.
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