I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
