Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
