Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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