It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
