Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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