I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
