Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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