you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
