I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize