his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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