YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
