either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
