I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Reggie can tackle my bush.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
