I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
