I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
