hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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