in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
