Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
