She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
