My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
