She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
