i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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