I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
