His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
