nut hugger
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
