I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
