Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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