woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
