life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
