sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
