this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
