How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
