you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
