Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think I won the penis lottery.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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