He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
