Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize