I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
