So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
