You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
