just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
